Well nothing really excited happened today so I guess we can skip that part – and I just don’t really feel like talking about my day like all my other blogs. The highlights for my day where Skyping with my three good friends from home – Katie, Stephanie, and Kathryn. I miss you guys sooo much thanks for Skyping with me. You guys are some of the best friends I could ever ask for – I know that you will always be there for me and I cannot tell you enough how much that means to me!! I also got to chance to Skype with Jordan – that was interesting!! I have missed that kid. He is a character for sure!! Always makes me laugh. Haha.
Tonight I want to share some feelings on my life and my goals. Yesterday I had to read a chapter about water issues mostly in Latin America. The more I read the more goals I had. There are so many problems in the world regarding water and I just feel like I need to help. However, sometimes the more goals I have the more stressed and overwhelmed I get. Here is a little example of a reflection I had on the chapter I read: “Another interesting part of the chapter was the issue of the difference in the environments between the poor areas and the rich areas. For example, in regards to water the poorer areas must have a truck bring them clean drinking water which cost more money than the rich people are paying. I don’t think this makes sense at all; it is only making the problem of clean water worse for the poor people. If they are not able to afford the services offered the problem will never be fixed. However, it has to be remembered that the government does not have the power or the money to make things free or ever cheaper. Some of the environmental issues, at least in my opinion, fall on the shoulders of the government for not enforcing environmental protection laws. Throughout the chapter the issues of money and funding was very prevalent. I find it amazing that most environmental issues are not dealt with only because there is not money to fund them. However, I do understand it, but that doesn’t mean I am not angry about the issue.” It might not make sense to you, but water is truly my passion and I am going to do everything in my power to help change the conditions of water somewhere in the world. Reading this book for class has really shown me that Environmental Science is where I belong – now I just need to figure out where to go from here.
I have some friends taking Oceanography here in Madrid, and they hate it. Every time they start talking about how much they hate the class I literally start to cringe – how can someone hate something like that. But then I guess it is the same with me and my ethics class. In all honestly I believe it is important to understand the patterns of water and be able to comprehend the various sources of plate shifts and the different types of ways and they way they transport water – maybe that just the scientist talking through me. I want to be able to fix the problems regarding water and environmental science is they way to do that.
However, besides water I love volunteering. This is where the first problem of the night comes in. I have been asking myself over and over again if I should be a social work major. But the thing that keeps popping into my head is: they don’t make any money and you can just volunteer for the rest of your life – you don’t need a major to do that. I guess what I am trying to say is that my dream job will put water and volunteering into one. Then the Peace Corps or the American Corps comes to mind, but then again what about money. Everything in this world seems to come back to money, and I absolutely hate that but that is the world we live in – it is reality. To be honest though, some days I want to hide from reality and dream about my dream job and where I want to be in 5 years from now.
This might sound a little conceded but I feel like I have so much to give in my heart that I need a career that will allow me to do that. People tell me I have plenty of time to decide on a career and your first career doesn’t have to be my only career – but I want to be happy in all my careers. It is a lot to ask, but I am a planner and I hate not knowing what is all in store from me – I have been doing better – still it is hard to change my personality just like that. I am sorry I am venting/ranting about my life but I need to and I thought I would be open and honest with you all.
The second problem of the night – I believe I have mentioned this before: internship vs summer classes. I can give a whole lot of reasons for both but let me narrow it down to the two main reasons. A negative for internship: most of them are on the East Coast for about 8 weeks I the summer – that is a long time to be away from home after just being in Spain for 4 months. A positive for internship: I would be doing something I would possible want as a career and networking with people. A negative for summer classes: my summer would be hell taking physics and calculus. A positive for summer classes: I would be at home and getting two hard classes out of the way. I really have no idea what to do – I guess I shouldn’t really even be thinking about this until I get the internships. Still it is stressful applying and trying to find out where to take summer classes. Sometimes growing up sucks.
Well this might offend some people but it needs to be said – staying in contact with people from home is hard and stressful. Don’t get me wrong I want to talk to all of you because I love you all and I need to talk to you, but it puts a strain on me and I am the kind of person that doesn’t say no. I am not saying by any means I don’t want to talk to any of you, if I didn’t I would say no, but I just feel pressured sometimes. I want to make sure everyone is okay and talking to me enough and I am keeping them informed on my life. It is hard, but it is worth it. I don’t want to make it sound like I don’t want to talk to you guys, because I do. I don’t really know what I am trying to say.
I miss the ease of talking at the dinner table. I have been trying the last couple of days to make more conversation at the dinner table – telling Gloria about my day or something that is on my mind, but its hard. Translating what I want to say and then trying to communicate it – it is not the easy. I love Gloria and most things about Spain but the communication is sometimes hard. I talk English with my friends which is nice, but sometimes I wish we would talk Spanish. It is so hard though. I also miss my mom’s cooking. There isn’t one meal or food (besides cheese) that I really miss I just miss the overall taste of moms cooking. Gloria is a wonderful cook, but it’s not my mom – or sometimes even dad. I also miss family and friends hugs. I have been trying to give Gloria a more real hug along with the two kisses and it seems to be working – but nothing is like getting a great big hug from mom or dad… you know?
Skyping with my friends tonight made me realize how lucky I am to have the people I have in my life – I feel that way after every skype session I have. I love that feeling. God has blessed me with so many amazing people and opportunities in my life that I feel bad for venting and ranting in this blog, but then I think about to a pervious blog where I challenged you to express yourself. So here I am sharing my feelings with the blog world – mostly people I know. So far this experience has taught me to share how I feel, let people know your true emotions – don’t hide behind fake laughs and smiles. Be real. I gave Kelsey some advice the other day I think I need to take it into account: Relax. Breathe. Accomplish. Three simple words that can change how you approach everything in life.
I was told today by a friend in Madrid that I should hookah (kind of like smoking) because it is fun and social. I was really taken back by this comment – I was like no I don’t want to hookah I honestly see no point in it – like smoking. She proceeded to ask me if when my children ask me if I hookahed and I reply no, if I will be okay with that. My answer, one simple word: yes. I guess people can ask me why I drink and not smoke – both are considered bad for you. Well here is my answer I don’t drink to get wasted or even drunk. The only time I have been slightly “drunk” was this past year in the basement of my own house and my parents knew I was drinking. I just don’t see the point in getting drunk and not acting like yourself in a unsafe environment. I don’t know where I am going with this really, but yea that is all I wanted to say I think.
Well thank you to all who have made it through the end of this blog. It is rather random to say the least. I hope you all take to heart all I shared with you tonight.
Paz y Amor. God Bless.